


No one can punish me more than I punish myself

by adnarim97



Category: Watch Dogs (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 02:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3232298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adnarim97/pseuds/adnarim97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aiden is having one of his worse days...</p>
            </blockquote>





	No one can punish me more than I punish myself

The light came shining in from the window in my small apartment. My eyes opened. My clothes (which I hadn't bothered to change before going to bed) was drenched with sweat, my heart was beating fast in my chest. Last night's nightmare was still fresh in my memory. It wasn't quite the same as the one I usually have. It was the same settings. I was driving the car through the tunnel, Lena and Jackson was sitting in the back, Lena was playing with her stuffed animal. The motorcycle was driving up to my side. This was nothing new, this had been imprinted in my memory and I had to relive it almost every night. What was new though was the one on the bike. It was me. I pulled the trigger. I made the car crash. I killed Lena. I had woken up after that. Now the guilt was once again eating on my insides. Why did she have to die? I should have been the one... Not her, she was only a kid. 

Not even rage started filling me up. On good days it was rage and revenge that drove me. Rage was hardly an good emotion but compared to self hatred and guilt it was pretty harmless. But now I couldn't feel an glimpse of anger. There was nothing in me except guilt, regret. On these kind of days I barely kept it together. I couldn't bring myself to continue my search for the ones 'responsible', because honestly, I had the biggest blame. I started it all. It might as well had been me who pulled the trigger. 

I somehow found the strength to sit up on the bed and drag myself to the bathroom. The man in the mirror infront of me looked like a stranger. I had been a stranger for a long time now. I didn't know what I was even trying to do half the days I was awake. Bring justice? Fix Lena's death? It was all meaningless. I couldn't bring her back. No matter what I did to the people responsible, it wouldn't make up for what had been done. But at the same time I couldn't sit down and do nothing. (If I did the guilt would eat me alive). If I do nothing, who will? 

My punishment will never end, I'm going to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. 

There are no good days anymore. Some were just less bad than others. 

...  
I don't know what i wanted to do with this... Explore Aiden's self hatred maybe? I made this pretty fast though and it's late so excuse the errors. Hope someone can enjoy it though


End file.
